fishesoutofwater | TEST DIVE #2

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test dive

TEST DIVE #2

PREMISE & NAVIGATION ✦ RULES ✦ MOD CONTACT
TAKEN ✦ RESERVES ✦ APPLICATIONS ✦ HIATUS & DROPS
FAQ ✦ BASE ✦ BIOMES ✦ URSULA ✦ URSULA CONTACT

TEST DIVE MEME

For information about the animals and locations, be sure to check out the BIOME and BASE pages!

A: There’s a Storm on the Horizon
A brainstorm. On advice about the ingenuity of multi person parties, and from admitted lack of understanding of many needs of organics, URSULA has selected you and a partner (or partners) to go to one of the observatories with food, beds, and recording devices to have a jam session for ideas about missions.

You are not to leave the room until you have some good ones. So get cracking! Start suggesting to one another what the base needs to do.

Or get horribly, horribly sidetracked and possibly a little crazy at being locked up together with the ocean staring at you. Judging.

B: The Abysmal Sea
You’re stranded.

One of the planet’s troublesome signal-interfering pulses has just made your communication devices 100% nonfunctional. No matter how you try to call URSULA for help, she isn’t able to respond. The database strapped to your wrist is just a useless chunk of metal now, leaving you without a useful library of knowledge to survive off. If you were driving any underwater vehicle prior to this point, it’s broken down. And unless you’re a mechanic, it’ll be pretty hard to get it jumpstarted again.

Don’t fret! The communication systems always come online eventually, so if you stay put, it’ll boot back up and give you directions straight back to base so you can finally get home. But can you really afford to stay put? The sunlight’s slowly streaming out of the sky, leaving the waters darker and darker with each passing second. Soon, you won’t be able to see five feet in front of you, and the only warning you’ll get of any approaching threat is through sound, if they even make any.

You have a few choices: take a daring risk and try swimming back to base, but on the off-chance you don’t remember the directions correctly from before you were cut off, you’re going to get even more lost, in the darkness of the night no less. Or, you could huddle in, with any friends if they were unfortunate enough to be with you, and start focusing on getting warm. Because spending the night out here in the vast oceans with the entire world against you is becoming a very, very real possibility.

C: It’s dangerous to go alone. Take them!
URSULA’s technology is breathtaking. With enough materials, she could make practically anything: weapons, vehicles, all those human comforts and entertainments she forgot to build... or perhaps she could expand the base to give everyone even more leg room. But there’s a catch: you need to get those materials to her in the first place, and scavenging can be a monumental task.

The planet Iniidae has a plethora of materials to provide, but you’ve got to go find them first. Some are easy enough to get, by plucking off the ground or breaking a rock. But some are a bit more challenging, such as Crash Powder, seeing that the Crash defending it will literally explode in your face if you get too close. And then there’s materials such as Blood Oil, only harvestable within the Blood Kelp Caves several hundred meters underwater in the pitch-black darkness… remember, you have to gather resources with your two bare hands. No such thing as driving around and conveniently collecting them within the somewhat-relative safety of an armored vehicle.

Since it’s so dangerous to go alone, URSULA will encourage you all to leave the base in pairs or groups if you’re going to try collecting some of the more precarious materials to harvest. She has heard that most lifeforms find being reconstituted from nanites traumatic, so try not to die in front of each other!

D: Almost, but not quite, Entirely Unlike Tea
The droids, URSULA promises, will do their best to make anything you want. Go on! Ask them anything! She’s excited. This seems like a great way to test out their capacities.

Of course, you need to be very careful what you wish for. Maybe you ask for Hamlet by William Shakespeare, and they do their best but only know so much, giving you a book with some… creative changes. Maybe you ask for a puzzle box, but you weren’t specific enough and things went awry.

Maybe you made the mistake of asking for tea..

No matter what, you were given something that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike what you asked for. Now what do you do with it?

E: CREATURE FEATURES (possible body horror)
As more data is collected on the creatures of the deep, DNA can also be gathered to allow URSULA to research how to integrate it into her crew members in useful and hopefully unintrusive ways, unless of course permission is given first for more obvious or exhausting additions.

Well, that's the idea, anyway.

Unfortunately, something malfunctioned while URSULA was researching. Her incomplete serum was injected into you through your devices while you slept (or maybe you were knocked unconscious by the sudden change to your body). Now maybe you have the temperament of a Stalker or the thirst of a Bleeder or Gasopod pods on your back that trigger when you're startled. How this genetic malfunction works and what it is can be up to you but while URSULA assures you it's only temporary, you're stuck like this for now.

Have fun?

F: The Caverns of Dream
The ocean calls you. Of course, it's much easier to dismiss it as nightmares. You'll probably think that's all it is after you have them. Flashes of screaming sea creatures writhing in agony, pleading for help, but these creatures can't ask for help, can they? Something huge, beyond the scope of imagination, moves in the ocean of your dreams and calls out to you to go deeper into the darkness. It pleads and begs but not with a voice you can hear or words you can understand.

You wake up in a sweat with the unrelenting desire to take a swim, even though it's late and everyone is asleep. Or maybe someone else just had the same nightmare as you? Are you willing to take a swim and try to understand the dream?

BASED ON CODE BY TESSISAMESS AND SUPERSUITS

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The whirring noises indicate to Dirk that Wiz here is doing his best to remember what Dave said and modify his next attempt accordingly. The happy chirping is something he feels like he didn't program Wiz for.] Wiz cola, Angola!

[...Whatever. Dirk won't stop Wiz. He figures that it's good for the bot to try out rhymes when it talks if it's going to improve its skills.

Not-AJ is offered to him, and Dirk pauses. Then, he accepts and takes a drink.] I have no idea if it tastes anything like apple juice, but I can live with drinking this.

[...He isn't sure if that 'bro' is addressed at him, and the extent of his ability to navigate such delicate social precisions is extremely low. So he'll opt to give Wiz a pat in agreement with the 'good work.' Navigate social uncertainty with: the motherfucking flashstep dodge.

Nailed it.]

[ That's a traditional Strider method of dealing with just about anything. Dave's as likely to abscond as he is to put his foot in his mouth, really. He just...really doesn't want to run away at the moment, even if he's so far avoided saying anything terribly feelings-y.

Saying you're glad someone exists one time is enough to go on for a long time after, right. They can last sixteen more years on that, right. ]

Wiz cola it is, man. Definitely offer that to more people, Wiz, you'll get lots of takers I bet? Make tons of pals. Pal-honcho it up, little dude.

[ Dave is apparently just going to encourage all the robo shenanigans here. He's a bit like a cat, pushing at a pile of plates on the corner of the counter just because it looks fun. ]

Also, when we finally get legit for real one-hundred-percent aj here - because I have lived this dream for years now and I ain't stopping now - we're having a fuckin' party. You will finally be enlightened to the ways of the path of red fruity drinks. Or green fruity drinks. I'm not even picky at this point, even though red is obviously always the superior choice. Once you go apple you don't go back, bro.

[ At...at least Dave isn't obsessed with alcohol or something? At least that. There are way worse vices than apple juice. ]

[Wiz is so excited about making friends, he's practically a concerto of whistles and bells. Dirk has to give him a little tap to tell him to quiet it down.]

Crown me Prince of Cores and stitch me up a new god tier, 'cause I'd be totally down for an apple juice party. Red or green. [Horror flashbacks: Trickster mode.] Just not both at once.

Can it be knit instead? I made Rose teach me a lil bit of knitting when we were stuck on a meteor for three fuckin' years.

[ In between somehow persuading Karkat that playing hopscotch was a good use of their time and helping the Mayor with can town. His schedule was just so packed. ]

Still not sure if I like being stuck on a meteor or down in here in undersea whateverness better. On the one hand, shitty meteor trip had movies and food that didn't come from the sea. On the other hand, the company ain't too bad here and there's not one thousand versions of that chess dude chasin' us, so that's always a plus. If we get an apple juice party this place'll win hands down, so let's make that priority numero uno.

See, this new revelation about your talent in the fine art of the knit-one-purl-two is exactly why I'm going to rank this above both my Sburb session and the last time I was trapped in the middle of the ocean: no crafting parties. This is exactly the kind of glorious hands-on art shenanigan I was missing out on.

[Look. The level of implicit joking in his phrasing can't deny the fact that, it's true, there were no crafting parties. And crafting parties would actually be great comparatively. He is genuinely pleased that Dave can knit.]

I hope you've already started thinking about what to knit for Wiz's birthday present.

[ But can Dave knit Well is the question here. He kind of fucks off from patterns as whimsy strikes so the answer is "it depends" since he genuinely Tries to make horrible works of knitted art. It's less ridiculous if he actually follows a pattern, but where's the fun in that.

Honestly why does anyone let him do anything ever. ]

Of fucking course I have. When's his birthday, anyway? Today? Need a little more time than that. And, like. A little more yarn. And knitting needles? Oh my god this place needs more shit to do that's like, unproductive. Or productive in a fun way and not a world-transforming base-improving way. Remixing the hella mystical background music in my head only does so much.

Subscribe me to the craft party newsfeed, dude, I'll show up every time.

[Obviously, any poor knitting is an ironic gesture, brilliantly executed by one of the maestros in his early days. (Leave Dirk alone, he still has a lot of faith in the general concept of a Dave, regardless of which particular Dave that refers to.)

There are logistics to consider here. The logistics of birthday presents.]

We can say it's the day I set him running with the full set of modifications. Wiz 1.0, as it were. He should also be fully painted before he's considered properly operational.

[This is important.]

Dude, do you want me to build you a turntable or something? It wouldn't be hard.

[ All right, Dave was actually going to respond to some of that re: Wiz 1.0 and painting (maybe make a remark about painting the corridors while they're at it, consider: color being a thing again) but.

But.

Dirk is good with robotics and building things. That was a thing that was apparently a fact and Dave was kinda aware of it, but for some reason this logical outcome just never occurred to him. ]

Seriously? [ A turntable. He misses his gear so much, but also: a turntable built by Dirk. Who probably has better things he could be doing with his time than entertaining Dave, but - ughhhh don't start comparing and contrasting guardians again, Dave, shit, stay focused. ] Jesus Christ in a sidecar you're the best. I'll make you a mix, I used to make 'em for Jade all the time back before, you know, meteorpalooza. Can I help? Uh, in the handing you shit sense again I actually do not have technological building skills, Harley would be way more help here than I am, ngl.

[ why did he just say the acronym ngl aloud. ]

[In Dirk's opinion, there could not be a better use of his time. Dave's immediate response vindicates this feeling. It makes Dirk smile, and he even stops tinkering around inside of Wiz's hardware for a second.]

I'd love that. Meaning both a mix and your help. You can tell me all about the specs you want as I work. And pass all the tiny little wrenches that will enable this Strider masterwork.

[ He gets a half-smile back, as Dave starts tapping out a rhythm on his knees again. ]

I am the best at passing people shit, so you've got it, bro. I'll tell you all about my gear back home while we go? Also, how weird is it that we can't, like. Alchemize shit here? Did not even notice how completely commonplace that got until suddenly there wasn't an alchemizer around.

[ Not that he would be doing much good if there were one around, since like his friends Dave is pretty good at making 80% ridiculous shit from them, but. At least 20% of the stuff he comes up with is maybe useful!!! Maybe. ]

Do you make mixes? [ He realizes he doesn't actually know. CLEARLY all the hobbies and likes don't directly translate, what the fuck adult dave and your lack of an endless supply of aj. ]

It's strange, but admittedly, likely not as strange as it is for you. Our session's underlings don't drop much grist, so we didn't have as many resources for it.

[Null sessions are so fucking annoying.]

I've made a few, but it's never really been a primary focus. Conceptually, I absolutely love the idea. The integration of the manipulation of your base materials for music into the music itself opens up so many potential layers for creativity and the exploration of meaning. Usually, I ended up incorporating mixes into other artistic projects rather than using it as my sole medium.

Edited 2016-04-17 02:44 (UTC)

Oh, right, the whole void session...thing. I kinda tuned out the details when Rose lectured me on it.

[ Also, that lecture took place well over a year ago and he can't possibly be expected to retain that shit if people don't bring it up in detail again later. Good job keeping a lockdown on the lingo, Dave. ]

But yeah, we were basically rolling in grist. Especially John, which is why we fuckin' stole some of his. [ GRISTTORRENT, he misses you. And he never actually turned that off, did he. Whoops. ] So wasting grist on random ideas was never a huge production, really, especially with each additional player.

[ But onto more important topics, i.e. the one he actually brought up himself: ]

K, so you can be into doin' them long enough to collab on one sometime, right? Or if you're doing one of those other artistic projects - what are we talkin' about here, by the way? - I can provide the sweet tunes and you provide the whatever-the-hell we're talking about here.

[First reaction: I would fucking love to collaborate with you on anything and everything you are the alternate younger version of my artistic idol.

Second reaction: oh shit, smuppets.]

Your bro had a lot of puppets, right?

[beat]

I'll. I'll think of something else.

[another beat]

...Did he do anything awful with horses?

I mean. Uh. [ YEAH, PUPPETS ARE. A thing that Dave is still not over and if Lil Cal ever shows up expect him to wig the fuck out and abscond from the vicinity, but. But. ]

If they're...not smuppets. Maybe it'd be okay. And if we weren't, uh, collaborating on a smuppet snuff film, it could be...neat? [ Because that sure as fuck was a thing he got tricked into doing once THANKS BRO, THANKS FOR...THAT. Despite trying to act like it would maybe be okay Dave's having puppet war flashbacks here so maybe he should just focus on option number two.

But come on he's not Egbert and this isn't cake - yeah no we're gonna just focus on the horses thing ]

Horses? He never did anything with horses that I remember. [ Maybe horses are Dirk's AJ. ] You into horses?

[Dirk gently picks up Wiz 0.1 and moves him over to Dave. Here, take the little droid. Pat its head. No puppets now. Only mechs. And Dave can pretend that this person in front of him would not immediately fistbump and possibly even snuggle with the very same puppet that so drastically inspires Dave's need to abscond.]

I love horses. Not as much as Arquiusprite does, but they're still pretty cool. [Puppets are still cooler, but he is trying not to trigger Dave's Puppet PTSD.]

We could just start collaborating on some mixes and see where the mutual inspiration takes us. [This feels like a suitable compromise that a) gives them room to develop, b) cuts out Dirk's compulsive controlfreak tendencies from the start, and c) absolutely does not involve puppets of any kind.]

[ Dave is like more than willing to pat Wiz 0.1 on the head. MAYBE EVEN FIST BUMP THE LITTLE DUDE??? As much as one can fistbumb these droids. ]

I wouldn't say I love 'em, but I have absolutely nothing against horses. Horses are p cool, sure. I think I might have had a horse fursona at some point to throw at Harley? I mean. I came up with like ten thousand fursonas just to throw at Harley, so.

[ Dave, That One Friend from when you were thirteen. Only he's still that same friend at sixteen... ]

But all right, that sounds chill to me. [ Dave's...actually usually willing to let someone else take the lead pretty much whenever (assuming they are not trying to get him to do some new dumb sword time heroic thing or something else he really doesn't want to do) mostly precisely because he was raised by a compulsive controlfreak and after that kept getting shoved into a heroic role he never felt he could entirely live up to. It's nice not to be in charge? Vriska had being in charge on lockdown on the meteor, and before that John was just their nebulously agreed-upon pal-honcho. ] I'll settle for a goal of a more upbeat tempo than we get from URSULA for the time being, honestly.

Edited 2016-04-17 04:25 (UTC)

Did you ironically roleplay them with her? [He feels like it's a fair question, considering everything. The concept obviously doesn't disturb him.

He nods an affirmative.] URSULA seems programmed to keep things as peaceful as possible. Given that she's responsible for taking care of an underwater base with limited resources, it's understandable. But this place really needs some livening up.

[Hence little Wiz, who is even now carefully attending to their words, advancing its database in an effort to gain greater and greater mastery over the craft of the wicked accurate dispensing of rhymes, and the craft of sicknasty delivery of beverages.]

I'm pretty sure that was the stated intent. [ The actual intent might have been a little closer to messing with a friend because he could. Like how he complains about Mccaunghanwijtikljtlwkejt guy with a terrible name he still can't spell properly because learning to spell it would not serve his purpose of messing with John. ]

Speaking of livening up, we should paint some walls or somethin'. At least in the room we sleep in.

[ LITERALLY ANY DECORATIONS would please Dave at this point. He's used to having way more clutter and color around. ]

Hell fucking yes. I cannot think in this place.

[Nothing is sitting on cement blocks? No random piles of towels or puppets? (Well, not puppets, for Dave's sake. Still: things.) No robot heads laying about? No statues blocking doorways???]

I'm pretty sure URSULA won't mind. She's always mentioning wanting to make it more homey for organic lifeforms.

[ yeah what's with actually being able to walk around without having stuff get in the way??????????? dave is completely unsure of what to do with himself, honestly. the meteor had less stuff than his apartment, but it still had so much stuff. ]

I don't think so either, considerin' I've yet to find anything she's hella against? I mean, I admittedly haven't asked for all that much, but she seems mostly friendly. We've yet to hit the whole evil AI villain trope, and I'm just as happy to keep it that way. Kinda over the whole take down the evil overlord schtick for the rest of eternity, thanks.

[ someone else can do it if it comes up, dave thinks, even though that's not how it'd end up at all. ]

All right, I'm already way more exited about this place than I was earlier - which was, uh, admittedly not much - so go team?

[Wiz wants to contribute. So he will, with a small little verse:] Go team! Make all the other plays scream! Paint me colours of ice cream! Now you're talking the dream!

[Ice cream.

Yeah sure why not.]

It beats a lot of other places we could be.

[As much as he misses his friends... this relatively benign environment, with his brother, is nice. And getting to totally Strider remodel the whole place is pretty great too.]

...Is ice cream a thing you know how to get, Wiz.

[ Suddenly, Dave's priorities have changed again.

Because. He could totally go for an ice cream sundae right now? ]

Please make all my dreams come true, little man. Creamsicles? Fudgesicles? I will take those little ice cream cups with the wooden spoons.

Ice cream? I can make some some nice cream! Better roll again 'cause your shit ain't dice cream!

[Eh. Dirk guesses the bot still needs more practice in its verses. Which it also needs in terms of the dispensing of food, so this is a pretty prime opportunity. As requested, Wiz attempts to dispense for Dave the requested food item.

But how good is it?]

[ .........This sure is sugar-free frozen yogurt. What is even the point of junk food if it isn't going to slowly kill you? THERE ISN'T ONE. ]

I think Rose likes fro-yo, I should give this to her. [ The frozen yogurt is dutifully thrown into his sylladex. Will it melt in there? He's...not actually sure, he never really had much in the way of frozen goods to keep stored.

Whatever, he'll find out later. ]

Wiz, what do you got against sugary junk food to kill me slowly, bro. [ He's pretty clearly teasing. ]

[SUDDENLY, WIZ IS HORRIFIED?] Kill you with my dispensations? Dave-chan, I could never!

[Yes. The robot just did that. Dirk had forgotten he programmed it to do that. He gets bored, okay.

Eh. He'll just roll with it. And so, with a straight face:] You heard Wiz, dude. You're too sugoi to die of from dietary choices.

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