TEST DIVE #2

[subnauticmods]

≡U.R.S.U.L.A. NAVIGATION

_ PREMISE & NAVIGATION ✦ RULES ✦ MOD CONTACT TAKEN ✦ RESERVES ✦ APPLICATIONS ✦ HIATUS & DROPS FAQ ✦ BASE ✦ BIOMES ✦ URSULA ✦ URSULA CONTACT

TEST DIVE MEME


For information about the animals and locations, be sure to check out the BIOME and BASE pages!

A: There’s a Storm on the Horizon
A brainstorm. On advice about the ingenuity of multi person parties, and from admitted lack of understanding of many needs of organics, URSULA has selected you and a partner (or partners) to go to one of the observatories with food, beds, and recording devices to have a jam session for ideas about missions.

You are not to leave the room until you have some good ones. So get cracking! Start suggesting to one another what the base needs to do.

Or get horribly, horribly sidetracked and possibly a little crazy at being locked up together with the ocean staring at you. Judging.

B: The Abysmal Sea
You’re stranded.

One of the planet’s troublesome signal-interfering pulses has just made your communication devices 100% nonfunctional. No matter how you try to call URSULA for help, she isn’t able to respond. The database strapped to your wrist is just a useless chunk of metal now, leaving you without a useful library of knowledge to survive off. If you were driving any underwater vehicle prior to this point, it’s broken down. And unless you’re a mechanic, it’ll be pretty hard to get it jumpstarted again.

Don’t fret! The communication systems always come online eventually, so if you stay put, it’ll boot back up and give you directions straight back to base so you can finally get home. But can you really afford to stay put? The sunlight’s slowly streaming out of the sky, leaving the waters darker and darker with each passing second. Soon, you won’t be able to see five feet in front of you, and the only warning you’ll get of any approaching threat is through sound, if they even make any.

You have a few choices: take a daring risk and try swimming back to base, but on the off-chance you don’t remember the directions correctly from before you were cut off, you’re going to get even more lost, in the darkness of the night no less. Or, you could huddle in, with any friends if they were unfortunate enough to be with you, and start focusing on getting warm. Because spending the night out here in the vast oceans with the entire world against you is becoming a very, very real possibility.

C: It’s dangerous to go alone. Take them!
URSULA’s technology is breathtaking. With enough materials, she could make practically anything: weapons, vehicles, all those human comforts and entertainments she forgot to build... or perhaps she could expand the base to give everyone even more leg room. But there’s a catch: you need to get those materials to her in the first place, and scavenging can be a monumental task.

The planet Iniidae has a plethora of materials to provide, but you’ve got to go find them first. Some are easy enough to get, by plucking off the ground or breaking a rock. But some are a bit more challenging, such as Crash Powder, seeing that the Crash defending it will literally explode in your face if you get too close. And then there’s materials such as Blood Oil, only harvestable within the Blood Kelp Caves several hundred meters underwater in the pitch-black darkness… remember, you have to gather resources with your two bare hands. No such thing as driving around and conveniently collecting them within the somewhat-relative safety of an armored vehicle.

Since it’s so dangerous to go alone, URSULA will encourage you all to leave the base in pairs or groups if you’re going to try collecting some of the more precarious materials to harvest. She has heard that most lifeforms find being reconstituted from nanites traumatic, so try not to die in front of each other!

D: Almost, but not quite, Entirely Unlike Tea
The droids, URSULA promises, will do their best to make anything you want. Go on! Ask them anything! She’s excited. This seems like a great way to test out their capacities.

Of course, you need to be very careful what you wish for. Maybe you ask for Hamlet by William Shakespeare, and they do their best but only know so much, giving you a book with some… creative changes. Maybe you ask for a puzzle box, but you weren’t specific enough and things went awry.

Maybe you made the mistake of asking for tea..

No matter what, you were given something that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike what you asked for. Now what do you do with it?

E: CREATURE FEATURES (possible body horror)
As more data is collected on the creatures of the deep, DNA can also be gathered to allow URSULA to research how to integrate it into her crew members in useful and hopefully unintrusive ways, unless of course permission is given first for more obvious or exhausting additions.

Well, that's the idea, anyway.

Unfortunately, something malfunctioned while URSULA was researching. Her incomplete serum was injected into you through your devices while you slept (or maybe you were knocked unconscious by the sudden change to your body). Now maybe you have the temperament of a Stalker or the thirst of a Bleeder or Gasopod pods on your back that trigger when you're startled. How this genetic malfunction works and what it is can be up to you but while URSULA assures you it's only temporary, you're stuck like this for now.

Have fun?

F: The Caverns of Dream
The ocean calls you. Of course, it's much easier to dismiss it as nightmares. You'll probably think that's all it is after you have them. Flashes of screaming sea creatures writhing in agony, pleading for help, but these creatures can't ask for help, can they? Something huge, beyond the scope of imagination, moves in the ocean of your dreams and calls out to you to go deeper into the darkness. It pleads and begs but not with a voice you can hear or words you can understand.

You wake up in a sweat with the unrelenting desire to take a swim, even though it's late and everyone is asleep. Or maybe someone else just had the same nightmare as you? Are you willing to take a swim and try to understand the dream?

BASED ON CODE BY TESSISAMESS AND SUPERSUITS

Comments

[parodeity]

[ If only the Mayor weren't into chess ladies Dave might have a shot! But no his love is...pl...atonic? Dude does spend way too much time talking about the Mayor and dramatically hugging him over lava to be entirely sane about it, but ok Dave.

He shrugs. ]

'Kay, you and mom can come and live in Cantown, too. We'll deputize Mom as cat zone chairwoman, and you can have, like. The horse zone? May as well have one of those, too. We can give Rose a zone for eldritch horror terrors or somethin' as long as she promises to keep any and all tentacle monsters far away from the sweet innocent chessman.

[ and also potentially dave ]

Kinda wanna put Karkat in charge of crabs to see if he'd flip his shit. Who am I kidding, he flips his shit about anything. And I'll be in charge of digging up dead shit, or like, ironic photography. Painting cans? Whatevs. These jobs already sound better than permanent sleepover gods.

[splinten]

[Dave really is enthusiastic about all of this. Dirk has noticed that Dave tends to ramble, but he is really gunning for this. It's impressive.]

I'd rather not be responsible for horses. Just give me a can with a nice view and a safe distance from what is liable to become dangerous Lalonde breeding projects.

[He doesn't know if Rose is like Roxy with this. But he does remember Roxy's many, many cats.]

[parodeity]

[ He can talk about literally any dumbass topic forever if no one stops him. The dumber the better. Serious topics are more dicey, but dumbass topics like "real life cantown"? Dave will never run out of random things to say.

He veers away from the topic, though, in the interest of curiosity. ]

Mom said she cloned cats? Which tbh sounds pretty rad. I wonder if she'd like dead things in jars? Got loads of those. Had loads of those? Guess Jade has them now since she's still the planet maestro.

[ that's science-y, right

maybe they can bond over that someday. if his collection is ever retrieved from his planet???? ]

[splinten]

Yeah, I think she had about two hundred of them.

[Despite his own ironic reference to Roxy as Dave's 'mom,' it's still a little odd to hear her referred to as such. At the same time, it feels almost right. He can't help but feel really happy for her.]

I'm sure she'll love anything you show her. She'll probably put it all up on display on shelves and pinned to food storage areas and shit. You will not be able to escape her affectionate presentation of your work. Everywhere you turn in her can domicile, you will find yet another pink doily set underneath a jar of dead bird.

[parodeity]

Omg.

[ Dave stop using chatspeak in person it's super - ]

Omgggggg. [ - dorky ok this is why rose asked someone to push you off the lilypad. ] Do you think she'd get me a pony. Or a dinosaur. Rose's Mom got her a fuckin' pony - which I...guess I murdered? Still not sure that mystery ever needed solving, but whatever.

[ but no, he seems...pretty thrilled by the pink doily affectionate presentation idea, really. it'd be kind of cool? this is a thing moms do, right. like he'd told john, he kind of liked the idea of thinking of roxy as his mom. and she'd said calling her mom was fine and dave keeps fucking it up anyway so he may as well Commit to it.

parental approval just seems kind of.

nice. ]

[splinten]

If there are ponies, or dinosaurs, Roxy will clone you as many goddamned ponies or dinosaurs as you want. She'll groom their coats with you and help you braid their manes. And so the fuck will I. You are not starting a bullshit horse club without me, Dave.

[Wait. Backtrack. This is important.]

Why would you murder an innocent pony?

[parodeity]

Shenanigans. John sent us all back with different shit because he's a giant fucking nerd - I think he gave out like three rabbits? - and apparently the horse I was with was Rose's. And it didn't survive the meteor impact? And then Bro made a bib out of it.

[ r i p maplehoof ]

Also, fucking duh I'm not starting a bullshit horse club without you. What self-respecting Strider wouldn't join that kinda thing, man.

[splinten]

[Oh yes, that pony. The one Dave mentioned in their rooftop conversation, with the heart on its ass.

Wait. Was that Maplehoof? Because it sounds a fuckton like Maplehoof, which kinda explains some things? It definitely gives credit to some of the urban legends about Dirk's bro and a horse. Where Maplehoof seemed to have survived?

That is so cool.

Okay, back to their plans for a pony club.]

If you, Roxy, and I are all going to be part of this, we're going to have to find a way to rope Rose into it. Make it a whole family affair, like we're a group of dignified ancestral equestrians upholding out lineage.

[parodeity]

Oh, that's easy. She can just say she wants to analyze my need to like, hang out with a bunch of horses and braid their hair and shit. I bet the answer is dicks somehow.

[ Even if the real reason she'd hang with them would presumably be wanting to Dave's more than used to Rose being cagey as fuck about anything she wants to do. Watch her someday try to get married while still being coy about HM ARE WE TOGETHER????? goddamnit Rose. ]

The answer is literally always dicks or surprise incestuous proclivities, according to Freud or who the fuck ever she feels like referencing at any given time.

[splinten]

[Dirk is just going to give up all pretence of actually doing any work right now and slump back into a pile of mechanical parts (it's fine) while he chats with his brother. He gives up. He is here for aimless conversations. That's what they're doing now.]

That sounds a lot like Freud. I'm not surprised he's her go-to source. Most of his theories were hilarious. You just can't get psychological comedy hour with Jungian Archetypes. [And Lacan is just depressing, and what's the point of bringing in Skinner?]

By Freud's own theories, her role as a Seer is all about dicks. The eye is a metaphor for the phallus, so her obsession with having access to an alternate sight would be read as an attempt to replace the phallus she lacks with one that her male counterparts can't access.

Of course, neither of you could ever have seen the Primal Scene, so—

[Wait.

He and Roxy ectobiologically produced this kids (through John?? John is their ectobiological midwife?) and therefore Dave and Rose could never have seen their parents having sex with each other.

But that doesn't mean Mom or Bro never brought someone home.

No. Never mind. Forget that. MOVE ON.]

What I'm saying is that Freud has enough dick and incest for everyone.

[parodeity]

[ Dave is really such a great assistant. Just. Totally helping get this shit done. He's not even going to bother asking about the pile of mechanical parts and the comfort level associated with it. Three years of living with trolls has gotten him used to people sleeping in piles of random fucking shit including a horn pile, so. ]

See, I buy that being a thing, but according to the ALL, LOTS, SOME, and NONE psycho hereditary genes I'm p sure that if I say that to my dear darling little sis I'm gonna get owned somehow. Not sure how, I can just like see her smilin' now and going Oh, Dave and then suddenly the doctor is in and I am the patient and I'm jumpin' out a window while she talks about dicks and looks like she's gonna eat me alive or somethin' 'cause she is.

[ What the fuck is he even talking about and why does he keep referencing shit Dirk wasn't even there for. ]

I kinda like knowing how many things in my dreams mean dicks though, that's a cool use of her skills.

[ He apparently makes Rose tell him how many things in his dreams = dicks. What the fuck is Strilonde sibling bonding time apparently nothing normal. ]

[splinten]

[He would rather have a pile of puppets and hats, but he only has one hat in his sylladex right now, and also he doesn't want to expose Dave to puppets. Metal scraps it is.

Dirk is just going to ... assume that that is a metaphor? It is, right?

He's pretty sure it is.]

You're going to have to tell me what your high score is.

[He'll just embrace the ridiculousness of his genetic heirs. Because frankly he thinks they're both great.]

[parodeity]

[ In typical Dave fashion, it's more of a metaforgotten, really. ]

Oh, shit, lemme think. Rose has notes on this somewhere probs but...I think it was like, 1079?

[ he's pretty sure she bullshitted a lot of stuff that session tho. ]

[splinten]

1079 dicks.

[That is so many dicks.

And he takes naps in smuppet piles!]

[parodeity]

To be fair I'm like 99% sure she was giving me a hard time and she was counting puppets as like ten.

[ He sounds way too amused about the whole thing, though, his half-grin entirely fond. ]

[splinten]

That depends on how many of the appropriate appendages puppets have.

[no dirk don't DON'T


good fucking god dave how did you NOT realize about bro]

[parodeity]

[ i mean

this is why he admitted he was a colossal fucking idiot for not realizing...maybe he was just more focused on the whole constant state of strife thing who even knows

dave chokes on nothing but air. WELP. they've officially hit the point of dave bringing up a thing that he immediately is made uncomfortable by why does anyone let him talk ]

Holy motherfucking shit I don't even wanna think about that. [ Dirk asking that question is an immediate segue to things he never wants to picture regarding his guardian or his teenaged ectobro let's skip somewhere else now ] Can we talk about other types of dong instead. We can talk about alien schlong. Or horse dick. Or like. Tentacles? I guess that could fall under the alien schlong category.

[ as usual, he just digs himself into a different deep hole. ok dave. ]

[splinten]

Shit, sorry.

[HE DIDN'T MEAN TO HE JUST

puppets, bro. it's puppets.

leap into the topic change]

Okay, here's a fair trade. Arquiusprite ended up being unfathomably unsettling because of the way he kept flexing that sprite tail like a muscle. There were veins bulging. He kept telling me to touch it.

Horsey, alien, and ghostly: three dongs for the price of one. I am a fucking master of bargains.

[Is Arquiusprite horsey? He feels horsey to Dirk. It's always horses with him.]

[parodeity]

Dude it's barely even your fault, you p much better learn I'm just gonna say shit that makes me and potentially you someday uncomfortable and then we're gonna have to backflip out of it. It's like a fact of life, it's just going to happen.

[ HE BROUGHT UP THE TOPIC, HE KNOWS HE'S LIKE 80% TO BLAME HERE...he has a puppet issue and yet he brings them up Dave Strider is truly brilliant. ]

Yo, he actually asked me to touch his muscles, too. [ "maybe later" was his response, if he even remembers correctly. ] Do you think he also counts as having a robo dong?

[splinten]

[It will take time for Dirk to break the habit of compulsively blaming himself, but Dave's incredibly chill attitude helps. Truly, Dave is the coolest in all the ways that matter.

Even if he's apparently a total doofus.]

[Dirk's wince isn't exactly visible with the glasses, but it's on his mouth.] I am not surprised. I'm willing to acknowledge it as a robodong and step it up to a truly impressive four dongs in one. Behold the many magnificent miracles of Paradox Space.

[parodeity]

[ at least dave is cool in one way...even if it's not the way he spent his entire childhood working towards. welp.

he huffs out another laugh, loosening up again. ]

I'm reasonably sure p space is actually the biggest pervert of us all? Like holy fucking dicknuggets. That. Is just definitely a thing it deemed as being necessary to making our timeline the alpha timeline. A robo-ghost-alien-horse with a muscle fetish.

[splinten]

I hope he didn't talk to you about milk. [War flashbacks, honestly. Dirk shakes his head.] I respect that Arquiusprite is probably the best outcome in terms of letting the AR get his own body with all kinds of ridiculous sprite powers, but I can't help but wishing he would be less unbearable. I don't understand why Paradox Space wants these things except to give Rose fodder.

[parodeity]

He mentioned it but didn't go in depth? I forgot we were keepin' the juggalo troll in the fridge so I was asking what was in there. [ specifically he was asking if there was apple juice WHICH THERE WASN'T SINCE IT WAS JUST GAMZEE AND CORPSES ] I couldn't even tell you re: why p space needs this shit, man. All I know is I was talkin' to the guy and was like, yep, this is a thing that def needed to occur. If something's off, you kinda just feel it?

[ If you are a time player and have a "feeling" about how things are supposed to be going to the point where you can go "yo John wtf this isn't supposed to be a thing that's happening please step off". ]

That's probably more a time thing than a heart thing, though. But yeah he was pretty super unsettling and crazy but...nice? Ish? Very into muscles. Thinkin' about it, the troll he mixed with was a pretty fuckin' creepy dude beforehand.

[splinten]

[Dirk regrets using Arquiusprite as their detour away from traumatic puppet land. He's pretty sure it was the safest way to veer out, but God does he hate that thing. So much. So much.

Focus on something better: speculating on their bullshit game and all the ways no one ever told them how it works.]

I definitely do not get a sense of what has to be right for the Alpha timeline. If anything, I'd speculate from an extension of our Fraymotifs that Heart powers would encourage that kind of splitting into non-Alpha timelines and leave someone else to assert which one should predominate. [Before, he found their assorted powers pretty stressful in terms of their unknown quantities. Now that the game is done, he feels a little more relaxed about it. He doesn't really need to use his Heart powers for anything. He's only got one self, and he highly doubts that they're going to come across anything as demanding on their powers as that last fight, at least not here. He is absolutely not planning on destroying anyone's soul.

Speculation like this is kinda nicely recreational.]

Do you have any feelings on being here?

[parodeity]

[ Honestly letting someone else assert which timeline is best sounds weird as fuck to Dave. He still cannot help himself when it comes to feeling the Alpha timeline shouldn't be messed with and is almost sacred in a weird way, but then again he did spend his entire session playing to the beat of predetermination, throwing down his life more times than he cares to think about and seeing his own corpse far too often for comfort.

The correct path is a razor thin wire and Dave's been looking forward to the day he's not constantly trying to walk it. He furrows his brow, head tilted a little to the side, and shrugs. ]

I'm still Dave Numero Uno, but I kinda get the feeling John might have fucked something up somewhere. This is what happens when you start fucking time travelling without the red gear on your chest: you give the professionals headaches.

[ HE SEES YOU THERE, JOHN. TIME TRAVELLING. CHANGING SHIT!!! ]

The thing about whatever the fuck he was doing is that his changes feel weird but they're not. Not right? Ugh, I can't even explain it, it just wigs me out in a very time-specific kinda way.