fishesoutofwater | TEST DIVE #2

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test dive

TEST DIVE #2

PREMISE & NAVIGATION ✦ RULES ✦ MOD CONTACT
TAKEN ✦ RESERVES ✦ APPLICATIONS ✦ HIATUS & DROPS
FAQ ✦ BASE ✦ BIOMES ✦ URSULA ✦ URSULA CONTACT

TEST DIVE MEME

For information about the animals and locations, be sure to check out the BIOME and BASE pages!

A: There’s a Storm on the Horizon
A brainstorm. On advice about the ingenuity of multi person parties, and from admitted lack of understanding of many needs of organics, URSULA has selected you and a partner (or partners) to go to one of the observatories with food, beds, and recording devices to have a jam session for ideas about missions.

You are not to leave the room until you have some good ones. So get cracking! Start suggesting to one another what the base needs to do.

Or get horribly, horribly sidetracked and possibly a little crazy at being locked up together with the ocean staring at you. Judging.

B: The Abysmal Sea
You’re stranded.

One of the planet’s troublesome signal-interfering pulses has just made your communication devices 100% nonfunctional. No matter how you try to call URSULA for help, she isn’t able to respond. The database strapped to your wrist is just a useless chunk of metal now, leaving you without a useful library of knowledge to survive off. If you were driving any underwater vehicle prior to this point, it’s broken down. And unless you’re a mechanic, it’ll be pretty hard to get it jumpstarted again.

Don’t fret! The communication systems always come online eventually, so if you stay put, it’ll boot back up and give you directions straight back to base so you can finally get home. But can you really afford to stay put? The sunlight’s slowly streaming out of the sky, leaving the waters darker and darker with each passing second. Soon, you won’t be able to see five feet in front of you, and the only warning you’ll get of any approaching threat is through sound, if they even make any.

You have a few choices: take a daring risk and try swimming back to base, but on the off-chance you don’t remember the directions correctly from before you were cut off, you’re going to get even more lost, in the darkness of the night no less. Or, you could huddle in, with any friends if they were unfortunate enough to be with you, and start focusing on getting warm. Because spending the night out here in the vast oceans with the entire world against you is becoming a very, very real possibility.

C: It’s dangerous to go alone. Take them!
URSULA’s technology is breathtaking. With enough materials, she could make practically anything: weapons, vehicles, all those human comforts and entertainments she forgot to build... or perhaps she could expand the base to give everyone even more leg room. But there’s a catch: you need to get those materials to her in the first place, and scavenging can be a monumental task.

The planet Iniidae has a plethora of materials to provide, but you’ve got to go find them first. Some are easy enough to get, by plucking off the ground or breaking a rock. But some are a bit more challenging, such as Crash Powder, seeing that the Crash defending it will literally explode in your face if you get too close. And then there’s materials such as Blood Oil, only harvestable within the Blood Kelp Caves several hundred meters underwater in the pitch-black darkness… remember, you have to gather resources with your two bare hands. No such thing as driving around and conveniently collecting them within the somewhat-relative safety of an armored vehicle.

Since it’s so dangerous to go alone, URSULA will encourage you all to leave the base in pairs or groups if you’re going to try collecting some of the more precarious materials to harvest. She has heard that most lifeforms find being reconstituted from nanites traumatic, so try not to die in front of each other!

D: Almost, but not quite, Entirely Unlike Tea
The droids, URSULA promises, will do their best to make anything you want. Go on! Ask them anything! She’s excited. This seems like a great way to test out their capacities.

Of course, you need to be very careful what you wish for. Maybe you ask for Hamlet by William Shakespeare, and they do their best but only know so much, giving you a book with some… creative changes. Maybe you ask for a puzzle box, but you weren’t specific enough and things went awry.

Maybe you made the mistake of asking for tea..

No matter what, you were given something that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike what you asked for. Now what do you do with it?

E: CREATURE FEATURES (possible body horror)
As more data is collected on the creatures of the deep, DNA can also be gathered to allow URSULA to research how to integrate it into her crew members in useful and hopefully unintrusive ways, unless of course permission is given first for more obvious or exhausting additions.

Well, that's the idea, anyway.

Unfortunately, something malfunctioned while URSULA was researching. Her incomplete serum was injected into you through your devices while you slept (or maybe you were knocked unconscious by the sudden change to your body). Now maybe you have the temperament of a Stalker or the thirst of a Bleeder or Gasopod pods on your back that trigger when you're startled. How this genetic malfunction works and what it is can be up to you but while URSULA assures you it's only temporary, you're stuck like this for now.

Have fun?

F: The Caverns of Dream
The ocean calls you. Of course, it's much easier to dismiss it as nightmares. You'll probably think that's all it is after you have them. Flashes of screaming sea creatures writhing in agony, pleading for help, but these creatures can't ask for help, can they? Something huge, beyond the scope of imagination, moves in the ocean of your dreams and calls out to you to go deeper into the darkness. It pleads and begs but not with a voice you can hear or words you can understand.

You wake up in a sweat with the unrelenting desire to take a swim, even though it's late and everyone is asleep. Or maybe someone else just had the same nightmare as you? Are you willing to take a swim and try to understand the dream?

BASED ON CODE BY TESSISAMESS AND SUPERSUITS

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[First reaction: I would fucking love to collaborate with you on anything and everything you are the alternate younger version of my artistic idol.

Second reaction: oh shit, smuppets.]

Your bro had a lot of puppets, right?

[beat]

I'll. I'll think of something else.

[another beat]

...Did he do anything awful with horses?

I mean. Uh. [ YEAH, PUPPETS ARE. A thing that Dave is still not over and if Lil Cal ever shows up expect him to wig the fuck out and abscond from the vicinity, but. But. ]

If they're...not smuppets. Maybe it'd be okay. And if we weren't, uh, collaborating on a smuppet snuff film, it could be...neat? [ Because that sure as fuck was a thing he got tricked into doing once THANKS BRO, THANKS FOR...THAT. Despite trying to act like it would maybe be okay Dave's having puppet war flashbacks here so maybe he should just focus on option number two.

But come on he's not Egbert and this isn't cake - yeah no we're gonna just focus on the horses thing ]

Horses? He never did anything with horses that I remember. [ Maybe horses are Dirk's AJ. ] You into horses?

[Dirk gently picks up Wiz 0.1 and moves him over to Dave. Here, take the little droid. Pat its head. No puppets now. Only mechs. And Dave can pretend that this person in front of him would not immediately fistbump and possibly even snuggle with the very same puppet that so drastically inspires Dave's need to abscond.]

I love horses. Not as much as Arquiusprite does, but they're still pretty cool. [Puppets are still cooler, but he is trying not to trigger Dave's Puppet PTSD.]

We could just start collaborating on some mixes and see where the mutual inspiration takes us. [This feels like a suitable compromise that a) gives them room to develop, b) cuts out Dirk's compulsive controlfreak tendencies from the start, and c) absolutely does not involve puppets of any kind.]

[ Dave is like more than willing to pat Wiz 0.1 on the head. MAYBE EVEN FIST BUMP THE LITTLE DUDE??? As much as one can fistbumb these droids. ]

I wouldn't say I love 'em, but I have absolutely nothing against horses. Horses are p cool, sure. I think I might have had a horse fursona at some point to throw at Harley? I mean. I came up with like ten thousand fursonas just to throw at Harley, so.

[ Dave, That One Friend from when you were thirteen. Only he's still that same friend at sixteen... ]

But all right, that sounds chill to me. [ Dave's...actually usually willing to let someone else take the lead pretty much whenever (assuming they are not trying to get him to do some new dumb sword time heroic thing or something else he really doesn't want to do) mostly precisely because he was raised by a compulsive controlfreak and after that kept getting shoved into a heroic role he never felt he could entirely live up to. It's nice not to be in charge? Vriska had being in charge on lockdown on the meteor, and before that John was just their nebulously agreed-upon pal-honcho. ] I'll settle for a goal of a more upbeat tempo than we get from URSULA for the time being, honestly.

Edited 2016-04-17 04:25 (UTC)

Did you ironically roleplay them with her? [He feels like it's a fair question, considering everything. The concept obviously doesn't disturb him.

He nods an affirmative.] URSULA seems programmed to keep things as peaceful as possible. Given that she's responsible for taking care of an underwater base with limited resources, it's understandable. But this place really needs some livening up.

[Hence little Wiz, who is even now carefully attending to their words, advancing its database in an effort to gain greater and greater mastery over the craft of the wicked accurate dispensing of rhymes, and the craft of sicknasty delivery of beverages.]

I'm pretty sure that was the stated intent. [ The actual intent might have been a little closer to messing with a friend because he could. Like how he complains about Mccaunghanwijtikljtlwkejt guy with a terrible name he still can't spell properly because learning to spell it would not serve his purpose of messing with John. ]

Speaking of livening up, we should paint some walls or somethin'. At least in the room we sleep in.

[ LITERALLY ANY DECORATIONS would please Dave at this point. He's used to having way more clutter and color around. ]

Hell fucking yes. I cannot think in this place.

[Nothing is sitting on cement blocks? No random piles of towels or puppets? (Well, not puppets, for Dave's sake. Still: things.) No robot heads laying about? No statues blocking doorways???]

I'm pretty sure URSULA won't mind. She's always mentioning wanting to make it more homey for organic lifeforms.

[ yeah what's with actually being able to walk around without having stuff get in the way??????????? dave is completely unsure of what to do with himself, honestly. the meteor had less stuff than his apartment, but it still had so much stuff. ]

I don't think so either, considerin' I've yet to find anything she's hella against? I mean, I admittedly haven't asked for all that much, but she seems mostly friendly. We've yet to hit the whole evil AI villain trope, and I'm just as happy to keep it that way. Kinda over the whole take down the evil overlord schtick for the rest of eternity, thanks.

[ someone else can do it if it comes up, dave thinks, even though that's not how it'd end up at all. ]

All right, I'm already way more exited about this place than I was earlier - which was, uh, admittedly not much - so go team?

[Wiz wants to contribute. So he will, with a small little verse:] Go team! Make all the other plays scream! Paint me colours of ice cream! Now you're talking the dream!

[Ice cream.

Yeah sure why not.]

It beats a lot of other places we could be.

[As much as he misses his friends... this relatively benign environment, with his brother, is nice. And getting to totally Strider remodel the whole place is pretty great too.]

...Is ice cream a thing you know how to get, Wiz.

[ Suddenly, Dave's priorities have changed again.

Because. He could totally go for an ice cream sundae right now? ]

Please make all my dreams come true, little man. Creamsicles? Fudgesicles? I will take those little ice cream cups with the wooden spoons.

Ice cream? I can make some some nice cream! Better roll again 'cause your shit ain't dice cream!

[Eh. Dirk guesses the bot still needs more practice in its verses. Which it also needs in terms of the dispensing of food, so this is a pretty prime opportunity. As requested, Wiz attempts to dispense for Dave the requested food item.

But how good is it?]

[ .........This sure is sugar-free frozen yogurt. What is even the point of junk food if it isn't going to slowly kill you? THERE ISN'T ONE. ]

I think Rose likes fro-yo, I should give this to her. [ The frozen yogurt is dutifully thrown into his sylladex. Will it melt in there? He's...not actually sure, he never really had much in the way of frozen goods to keep stored.

Whatever, he'll find out later. ]

Wiz, what do you got against sugary junk food to kill me slowly, bro. [ He's pretty clearly teasing. ]

[SUDDENLY, WIZ IS HORRIFIED?] Kill you with my dispensations? Dave-chan, I could never!

[Yes. The robot just did that. Dirk had forgotten he programmed it to do that. He gets bored, okay.

Eh. He'll just roll with it. And so, with a straight face:] You heard Wiz, dude. You're too sugoi to die of from dietary choices.

Oh my god dude don't I at least rate senpai? That's the cool older dude one right.

[ Or is it with an m he doesn't fucking know all his weeaboo phrases are yanked from Bro or the interwebs, Dave was never that into anime himself. ]

Or sensei. I'd be down with being a sensei. Why do I get the magical girl one - oh fuck was it the magical girl rap is that what doomed me here.

Wiz is programmed to choose whatever he thinks is most appropriate. [And also? To never explain why he chose things. For the sake of moments like these.

For Wiz's part, the protest is not particularly registered. Wiz has, however, tried to apologize for his prior error in yogurt by producing... low-fat sugar-free froyo. In blue.] Better? Tried to follow what you said to the letter. If you don't like my work then you're acting a trendsetter.

[Dirk's lips press together a frown behind the inscrutable glasses.] I can't tell if he meant that last part as an insult or not.

Imma take it as a compliment. I'm sure as fuck not a trend follower. Hell, I did the whole Dave Furry thing way before any of the rest of y'all got sprites prototyped with animals and yourselves. See? Trendsetting.

[ let's not discuss how cool or uncool his trends are. He'll just take this new frozen yo and start eating it, tbh. CLEARLY HE ACCIDENTALLY NERFED SUGAR BEING A THING. ]

Wiz, my man, I suppose just for you I will eat healthy just this once. Since I'm goin' to assume you're avoiding sugar because I implied it might kill me? FYI, I was joking. Your work is the bomb. Although heads up, red is the best color. Blue is a nerdy color. Think sick fires, not eau de Egbert.

[Wiz makes a noise that may or may not mean he's happy? It probably does. And obligingly, he dispenses a new icy dessert: a red froyo.

Specifically, a light red froyo.]

Matches my outfit. I'm callin' dibs. [Dirk snatches that pink froyo up like a champ. He takes a spoon.] ...I respect the concept of healthy dieting, but given our immortality, I'm going to have to put myself down on the side of sugar, fat, and salt.

It's sweet that Wiz is in the anti-Dead Daves camp. [He pats their droid pal.] I'll take a subscription. Just don't worry so much about Dead Dirks. I can absolutely handle my sugar.

Yo, I'm down to be the president of camp anti-Dead Daves. Dead Daves are the enemy. [ The last part is said in a way that suggests he's said it a lot, to someone else. His team motto, basically. ]

But yeah, no worries, Wiz. We can only die [ Gesturing between himself and Dirk with his spoon ] if we deserve it or if it's heroic. Pretty sure overdosing on sugar and shit isn't that.

[ ........Although. He pauses. Squints, though you can't see that behind his shades. ]

You don't DESERVE death if you basically eat nothing but like ice cream and doritos do you. Is that Just???

I don't know, Dave. [He looks Dave in the eye.... glasses.] Do you deserve it?

I don't think so, but sometimes paradox space is like "yo, what is the most inconvenient thing I could make a thing? Imma get on doing that right now, there's how physics works from now on, you're welcome".

[ and by sometimes he means literally all the time. ]

[Indeed, it is literally always how paradox space works.

So Dirk taps Wiz on his metal head.]

You heard the dude. You gotta keep Dave eating healthy.

We're going to have to find him leafy greens.

Traitor.

[ Pointing at Dirk again with his spoon, dramatically, though his expression remains fairly deadpan. ]

However if those leafy greens include apples I'm down? [ look...look. it's been three years and apparently he is just not letting the apple thing go.

no one else understands and it's terrible. ]

[Dirk bears his label with stoicism. Sorry, bro. This is how it has to be. To prevent a Just death.]

Apples don't count as leafy greens.

[Sorry, bro.]

It'll have to be kelp.

[...And yet, behind those inexpressive shades, Dirk's trying to figure out if there is some way to get apples for Dave. Would a plant that kinda tastes like apples work? Could those weird jellies be flavoured with it? Or could he talk to URSULA about genetically synthesising it? That isn't his wheelhouse, but maybe they could dig up the genetic code?]

[ Does Dirk want to be Dave's favorite person in the universe, because that's honestly what will happen for whoever finally gets him an apple. If he has an apple, he can reproduce apple juice, right? ]

P sure candied kelp is a thing, dude. Although we might need like...honey and shit for that?

[ Also it just doesn't sound appetizing. ]

Hey did you ever have a quesadilla in post-apocalyptic texas?

[They just have to leap over step one, first. And then it's apples all the way to the victory juice.]

We could probably get sugar out of some of the plants here.

[Practically speaking, as a long time ocean-forager. On which subject:]

Assume that I've never had anything that isn't sea life or capable of surviving the apocalypse by four centuries. [beat] Plus Jane's baking. Sea life, non-perishables, and Jane's baked goods.

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