[ if he's managed to live long enough to write down a good enough biography of himself, why did i buy that? will be a title he'll use in big blazing words across the cover.

you've got to be kidding me is also a good contender. ]

You've got to be kidding me. Unless that's nicotine flavour, I'm sure as hell ain't jumpin' in for a stick of gum.

[ because seriously. he hasn't hit rock bottom yet. (though he would have said yes if it was nicotine flavour. he's done to his last pack right now.) ]

But if this plan of yours is great, I'll let the gum offence slide. What do you have in mind, mister? [ there's a little pause because here's where roderic and manners come to an awkward end. ] …I can call you 'mister', I reckon?